He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
