Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
