Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
