watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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