Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
