is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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