i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
