how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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