I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish i was in the wii world.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
