They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
