I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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