Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
