I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
