I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
