OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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