Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
