They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
