oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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