dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Who died my cat blue again?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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