Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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