I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We need a shit load of segways right now
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
