chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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