I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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