did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
