do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize