Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
