the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
