just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
