You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
