The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
