He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
