4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
