I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
