Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
