i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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