I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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