I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize