I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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