i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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