xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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