I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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