i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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