Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize