Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
