i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize