I am in a vortex of obligation.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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