we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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