I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
