pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
