We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
