Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
