I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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