There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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