Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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