I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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