Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize