After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
