Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize