if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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