fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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