the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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