Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
