i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
