He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize