I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize