Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
