so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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