I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
