i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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