Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
