The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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