i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
