Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize