3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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