Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
