He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
